


A Thousand Miles Away From You

by Prumery



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, blood but not heavy, mentions of torture but no actual torture, nothing heavy but it can be for certain persons, so be careful, things that might trigger dysphoria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 10:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8368189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prumery/pseuds/Prumery
Summary: They broke up two years after they met. Almost exactly on their anniversary. It’s been six months, two days, and a handful of minutes, and for every second in that time, Hanzo feels like he’s missing a piece of himself.





	

The bed feels cold.

It’s hard to sleep with no comfort of someone holding you, or without someone heavily snoring in your ear.

Hanzo misses Jesse. It’s pretty obvious at the stares he gives when he’s not looking. He catches Genji’s gaze, and he swears that under his face plate he can see pity.

It irks him. 

His cold fingers run over the small indent of the bed, knowing that if McCree had stayed longer, it would’ve become permanent. But now it was slowly fading, leaving his side, along with McCree.

He shakes a little, cuddling his quilt tighter, and huffing angrily at the small heater at the corner of his bed. The base can get very cold at nights, making his nights cumbersome without the mini heater called McCree.

You just miss him, he says to himself, and he agrees. He does.

_“Now, now darlin’. I know you’re all for good mornin’ kisses, but i ain’t the type of man to put something as beautiful as you through morning breath.”_

Hanzo huffs a little; a fog lifting from his noise, floating into the air as he recalls the sunshine and warmth that bubbled in his core from the laugh echoing the room.

McCree had been such a sweetheart after their first night of love making. Hanzo had to be careful, since McCree’s waist was still aching (It had been a long time since Hanzo had touched someone, McCree understood) and well…

Both of them were very difficult on this entire ‘feelings’ fiasco.

_“Do you love me, darlin’?”  
_

_“I am not… entirely sure.”  
_

_“In a good way?”  
_

_“… Yes…”_

Hanzo’s eyes stare at the wall, remembering McCree laughing when he first punched a hole there, trying to keep calm as Hanzo kissed him.

A smile flicked over his face, and he turned the heater up higher, curling up into a tight ball, and sighing again.

It’s cold.

 

* * *

 

 

There’s little doubt in his mind that if his friends had known about him and McCree that he wouldn’t be left doing missions by himself with McCree.

He’s staring at McCree’s back as he quietly stares at the long alleys, turning wherever Hanzo told him to. The soft taps of his prosthesis barely made it to McCree’s ears.

“Left up ahead.”

No “Sure darlin’”, no jokes. Just a hm and McCree turned where he was told.

Whatever happened between them stayed between them. Whatever separated them stayed between them.

_Why are you leaving me? You know that we can work these things ou–  
_

_Hanzo, we both now this shit ain’t working out._

The red serape that has been so graciously loved flutters as McCree turns the corner.

He remembers once when they were stationed in Russia, McCree managed to sneak out of his room and both of them huddled under sheets and his serape. The night was full of breaths and cold fingers against warm tan skin that held sunshine.

Hanzo stared at the alley McCree turned into, wondering where it went wrong.

“McCree..?”

“Yes’m?”

_Why’d you leave? When did you decided you didn’t love me anymore? What did I do? Was I too cold? Did i not give you enough care? Was my everything not enough?_

Hanzo swallows so many questions he wants to say, so instead he just softly says into the mic–

“On your 6.”

There’s the sound of a gun shot, and it echoes in Hanzo’s being. Shakes him to the core and he closes his eyes.

He takes in a deep breath, feeling the cold prickle his nostrils, making him shiver and the hairs on his arms stand.

McCree doesn’t thank him. He doesn’t do that anymore.

Hanzo jumps to the next building, staring down at McCree as he looks up at him. His eyes aren’t warm and loving. There’s no softness there.

Guilt flutters in Hanzo’s being, but for what, he’s at a loss.

It’s hard to talk to him without wanting to choke up.

“You alright?” Genji speaks into the comm, and Hanzo swallows. He lines up an arrow, and lets it fly towards a talon agent that decided to poke his head out. A sickening crunch as he falls and dies, and Hanzo huffs.

“I am swell.”

There’s a laugh from Genji, as he knows where he picked that up. He decides not to prod, though. Hanzo silently thanks him.

He knows about McCree’s emotions. Sometimes he hears him ranting to Tracer or Lucio about an ex, and he knows it’s him. He knows himself well enough to know that McCree speaks about himself.

He feels jealousy when that happens. How he only has a bottle of alcohol to let out his frustrations to.

What did he do wrong?

He keeps asking himself that, but the answer isn’t there.

 

* * *

 

 

“On your left–”

McCree turns his arm and shoots the member point blank in the face. Hanzo took down the one that was about to flank McCree and he jumped down onto the alley beside the taller man.

The man’s cold stare met Hanzo’s and he looked away.

Hanzo only walked behind him softly, like a lost puppy. At times he used to think McCree woudl follow him like this, like a dutiful dog, picking at his heels, ready for a command.

Now it was Hanzo’s turn. It made him sick.

“Are we ever going to talk about it?” The tension in McCree’s shoulders is pretty obvious that he wasn’t expecting that from Hanzo. Hanzo didn’t even expect him from himself, honestly.

“Talk about what?”

“The fact that you left me with no reason. That I have to wonder what I did wrong.” Hanzo says softly.

McCree turns around, his eyes suddenly warm again. There’s a light there and Hanzo is almost hopeful.

“… I do have a reason, darlin’. And… It ain’t because of you.” He whispers softly, delicately. Hanzo’s eyes water and he swallows a thick clump of nerves and he steels himself.

“Then why…?”

McCree suddenly balks. His face is quiet, but the soft little light gave Hanzo hope. So much hope, much more than he’s had in those couple of months.

But it’s gone.

“It was you. It was nothing else but you.” McCree’s eyes grow cold again, and what little warmth given to Hanzo was immediately taken away. He looks away, almost mentally berating himself for showing that.

“… Oh…” Hanzo says almost breathlessly, and he stares at the ground. 

There’s something wrong. The hairs at the back of his neck stand up, and he’s grinding his teeth, but the pain evident in front of his face is a lot more noticeable.

“Why?” Hanzo stares up at McCree, who grits his teeth and looks away.

“Not now, Shimada.” He hisses his last name, almost like a curse. Hanzo wants to shake him, to tell him what he did wrong.

Well… But he had a right to leave. Hanzo was far, way far from perfect. He murdered his brother in cold blood, he’s had his hands wrist deep in blood, but…

But he’s also aching for this man. A man who doesn’t want him.

“What… What did I do?”

“What didn’t you do?”

“Just explain to me, I just want to know, I at least deserve tha–”

“You deserve _nothing_ , Shimada.” 

McCree’s voice is so full of anger, and spite, and Hanzo actually flinches away from the venom he spits. McCree’s face is cold, and unfeeling, and that’s when Hanzo realizes he’s crying.

He doesn’t notice the hesitation in McCree’s face.

“Jesse… Jesse, please…” Hanzo whispers sotto voce, just enough to make McCree falter. Enough to pause, enough to not realize the man reaching to grab him from the shadows.

Hanzo realizes it though. He quickly pulls out his bow, but late enough to have the man slam his hand into the back of McCree’s head.

The cowboy is out cold as Hanzo is grabbed by another person, and he’s knocked out with a rag.

McCree’s last image of Hanzo for a while after this, is Hanzo close to breaking down, and him even closer to telling him the reason he pushed him away.

 

* * *

 

 

Hanzo wakes up with his wrists tied. There’s the heavy feeling of drugs in his system, and he smacks his lips together, feeling the dryness, and the numb feeling of being out.

Fuck.

His eyes look up at the pale light bulb swinging, and he almost laughs at the comically stereotypical kidnap scene. It’s funny to him, thinking that this was going to be an easy ride.

He knows torture well. Very well actually. The Shimada clan didn’t really like him.

His eyes are heavy as someone opens the door. They wheel in a small t.v., and they sit in front of him. They’re gender is unknown to Hanzo, as they’re wearing less than revealing clothing, and they’re demeanor isn’t masculine or feminine.

Not that he cares. He knows he’s not getting out of this one.

He fucked up.

“Shimada Hanzo.”

He stares at the person, his eyes blinking slowly, lazily.

“We have been looking for you for ages. And one little romantic spat and you’re losing your cool. Shame, shame…” They say, humming and drumming their fingers on the corner of the small t.v. An old model, something his father would slip those weird VHS tapes into.

“We can do this the hard way, or the easy way.”

Hanzo doesn’t answer. He looks away, gathers up saliva and spits to the side.

The person threads their fingers under their chin. Their eyes are so brown they’re almost black. Someone Talon groomed to their liking.

They are intimidating, Hanzo will give them that.

“Such a talker. How did someone like you win the Jesse McCree’s heart.”

Hanzo doesn’t answer that, but a vein throbbing at his throat is enough of an answer for the person. They smile wickedly, and Hanzo swallows fear.

“Do… Do not hurt him.”

“You say that as if he’s a delicate thing. Have you seen the record on that man?”

They laugh. It’s still too in between genders to give it an actual one. Hanzo then decides that gender isn’t going to be an issue brought up.

The agent hums as they opens a file,kicking back their legs onto the desk, and smile as they goes through files.

“Large bounty, large kill streak. Large man…” They say softly, almost teasingly. Hanzo doesn’t look at them. He spits out blood and starts to come through the drugs.

“What do you want?”

“Answers. Mostly.”

Large fingers run circles over the manila folder, going over the Overwatch symbol, like it’s a lover they missed.

“For?”

“Look… We need answers as to why, and how Overwatch is being banded again, and how they’re getting so much info on us.”

Hanzo frowns, his eyes showing his confusion. He knows that there is a spy, but he didn’t think it would be that obvious.

“Just need you to tell me a name, Hanzo. Just a name, and your little boyfriend, and your entire group will be left alone.”

Hanzo swallows thickly, he knows the name.

_Reaper._

It’s on his tongue, and the person knows. They know, oh god, do they know. The way Hanzo stills, the way he licks his lips, looks away and takes a breath.

But he’s quiet. It’s awkward, to say the least.

“Hm… And I thought you were smart.”

They say softly, almost sadly. Sad that they have to do this. Briefly, Hanzo remembers that talon agents are brainwashed.

Ah… 

“You do know, that we know about you and McCree. It has been… interesting, to say the least.”

They flick through some channels on the t.v., pressing buttons. Suddenly, there’s footage of Hanzo and McCree on the roof of Gibraltar base, huddled close. It was a little chilly that night, and Hanzo can actually feel the taste of whiskey they shared.

“I have actually had a bet with the members, saying how long it would last. Two years is a long time, Hanzo.” They turn, their eyes sparkling in wonder, and dare he say it, jealousy.

“Lovely couple you ma–”

“What do you want.”

“I will not hurt your precious little coyote if you tell me things I want to know.” They smile as Hanzo stills at the nickname Hanzo used when McCree felt down.

_My lovely Coyote_

“Listen here. We’re going to call Overwatch, and you need to tell them what info you want.”

He flips through more channels, and to Hanzo’s horror, he sees Lena crossed legged with Zenyatta mid laugh, he sees Lucio with Genji, softly talking in hushed tones, and hold hands, he sees Winston fixing Pharah’s rocket launcher–

He sees his family. Well… not _his_ family, he sees McCree’s.

And this person knows.

Hanzo stares at them. Their face in unmoving.

“I will not.”

He expects the punch to his face. Blood spurts from his face, and drips down his nose.

Don’t they know torture doesn’t actually work?

Hanzo let’s out a gasp, blood coating his face, when the person grabs his hair, slams him into the table, and growls in his ear.

“Listen here, Hanzo. You are going to tell them, you are going to or I will personally disembowel that cute little coyote of yours. You understand?”

Hanzo breaths as there’s a blinking red light, and Hanzo sees his group staring at him.

McCree’s eyes are wide, rage in his face. Hanzo swallows, and he licks his lips.

“Jesse…”

McCree’s brows knit, and he scowls. Hanzo thinks it’s directed at him, but then he looks at the person.

“I will find you, and I will rip you to shreds.”

The person laughs. Laughs so hard Hanzo whimpers as he moves his tender nose as he shakes.

“Oh! Always such a funny man, McCree. Or should I say Coyote.”

Hanzo feels his heart throb as McCree stiffens.

They know.

“Jesse… Jesse–” Hanzo wheezes as the person grips his hair tighter.

“Oh, I know about you and Hanzo here. How you two have been having a little affair behind closed doors for the last two years.”

There’s a small murmur behind McCree, but he doesn’t notice. His eyes are on Hanzo, taking in his appearance.

“Only reason we took Hanzo, really.” The person grips Hanzo’s chin, squeezes him and smiles.

“Mm… Pretty cute. How close Hanzo got to you, and how you tore him down like he was paper. Quite sad… Did he ever give you a reason, Hanzo…”

The Japanese man stared at the person holding him. His eyes were cold.

“Hanzo… Hanzo, don’t listen to them–”

The man licks his lips, as if he just tasted victory. Hanzo’s eyes fill with tears as he feels hair being ripped out of his head.

“McCree here couldn’t keep it in his pants. He was skirting around places sleeping with whores and dirty tramps he got his hands on.”

Hanzo feels his stomach fall. 

The man is surprised to see Hanzo smile softly.

“I know.”

He pulls back and McCree’s eyes are wide. Hanzo spits blood in the man’s face, and smile.

“I know. I’ve always known.”

The man is surprised, and so is McCree. 

To be honest, Hanzo didn’t know until know. He didn’t know McCree hadn’t wanted him like that. That he would leave him for flings, that a night with a stranger was better.

“Do you think I would give up Jesse like that? Give up my family?” Hanzo steels himself, and growls in his throat. The agent stares.

“You’re going to have to try a lot harder than that if you want info from me. I’m not giving up on Jesse–” There’s a loud crack as the agent punches him.

There’s a gasp from across the t.v., and Hanzo let’s out a scream as the person grabs his shoulder and pops it out of its socket.

“You’re going to regret that.

Hanzo turns to the camera, his eyes hazed, but his look still.

“I won’t say anything.”

And the screen cuts off.

 

* * *

 

 

McCree let’s out a scream as the feed cuts off. His metallic hand slammed into the board beside him, and he fought back the need to break down.

His entire team now knew about him and Hanzo was embarassing, a little, but Hanzo was hurt and taken from him.

Tears filled his eyes, and he swallowed another angry scream. Winston grew close to him, staring calmly at him.

“We need to talk to Reaper. He knows about Talon’s mess, he must know about what they’re planning to do with Hanzo.”

McCree’s voice is soft and calm, completely opposite of what he feels. As he speaks to Winston, there’s a cold feeling in the room and a man appears before him.

“Reaper–”

He pulls off his mask, and McCree looks away.

He will never get over seeing Gabriel’s face on this new man. Gabriel wasn’t his mentor anymore, yet he wasn’t Reaper either. The brainwashing was slowly starting to leave, and slowly Gabriel as coming back.

“They want to know who’s squealing, cabron.” He says angrily, leaning against the door and breathing out smoke. He runs his fingers through salt and pepper hair, and he grunts angrily as he punches the wall.

McCree heads over to him, and crosses his arms. Winston sits back on his haunches, running his fingers over his data pad and tries to look calm.

“We need the info now. A day longer, and Hanzo is a dead man.” McCree says to Reaper, who grunts and shakes his head.

“We only have Lucio, since Angela isn’t with us. Sorry about that Lucio, you’re going to have to pull a double shift–” Lucio shakes his hand at him, as if he understands. The last mission wasn’t too hard on him, but he stands up to take an extra nap.

“Wake me up an hour before we leave. I’ll be rested up.” He cracks his knuckles and McCree turns to Junkrat, who’s staring at Roadhog as he starts to write things in a mini notebook.

“Junkrat, you got those huge bombs you’ve been saving for an extra occasion?”

Junkrat shakes his head, and Roadhog speaks to McCree for the first time in weeks–

“I have extra med packs that Junkrat concocted. Give us three hours, we can make enough for emergencies.”

Winston shakes his head, adding more details to his data pad and getting more recommendations from other team members. Jack is putting out more health amplifiers on the table, and seeming to count off on his fingers.

He notices Reaper is staring at him, and McCree leans against the wall next to him.

“It’s… I can’t thank you enough for all of this. All you’ve done for me…” McCree whispers softly, saying words that he wish he would’ve said years ago.

Reaper hums, looking down at the ground.

“Remember that time you wore your binder to jog, and you almost died.” Reaper says softly, not knowing if the people around McCree knew about his gender.

The man frowned, and turned to Reaper, raising his brows.

“And when I woke you up, you said you wanted to become stronger and more powerful so you didn’t look like some cross dressing girl, because hell, you’re Jesse fucking McCree–” he imitates Jesse’s accent, and laughs when McCree smiles.

“I remember seeing you working out for days on end, trying to get rid of those mosquito bites you called pecs and turn them into muscles. Kid… I just literally gave you what you needed, all the shit you did was yourself.”

Reaper sounded a lot like Gabriel did for a little bit. McCree choked up as he saw everyone leaving.

There was a silence between them, and McCree covered his face and began to cry softly.

“I broke up with him.”

“With who?”

“With Hanzo. I made him feel like shit, I pushed him away.” He sobbed and looked up at Reaper, his shoulders shaking and his entire body starting to break down. McCree hid behind all his fake person, and now that his trusted guardian was somehow back, he felt like he could break it down.

Gabriel felt his face fall, and he knit his brows at the man.

“You seemed to do well with him. I have seen you on the field.”

McCree wipes his face, taking in deep breaths, then sets his hands on his belly. He looks away and covers his eyes.

“I was pregnant… I didn’t tell him, and before I could even get my guts up,” He cried again and Gabriel knew. He swallows a knot at his throat, gathers McCree in his arms and holds him tight.

McCree feels cold when he holds him. He’s dead, of course he does, but it’s comforting. Like Gabriel. How he held him when he was barely even 17 and he was going to be sent to jail.

How he basically adopted him and told him he’d take care of him.

“I didn’t tell him. He didn’t even know it was his, and… I wasn’t man enough to deal with all the pain i’d give him, so I left. I began to lash out, and I thought he’d hate me, and now… Yet he still loves me…”

McCree cried in the crook of his neck, and gripped his leather coat. Reaper sighed softly, petting his head and sighing.

“You’ve fucked up, mijo. But that’s not bad. Not good, but not bad. This is a really fucked up situation to try and mend this… But it’s better late then never.”

He smiles at the wall, and brings him in closer, knowing that McCree needs all the reassurance he can get.

“Come on. We’re leaving at 21 hundred hours.”

 

* * *

 

 

Hanzo didn’t know when he passed out. He didn’t know the time, or the day. All he knew was that he was close to relenting.

Whatever these people wanted he was close to saying. They kept drilling him with stories, using psychology instead of torture.

He wished they would torture him. Just so he knew something instead of feeling like he knew nothing.

There’s a loud bang outside, and he raises his head. It’s blurry, and he knows he must imagining things when he sees the door being thrown open and Gabriel Reyes is standing there in full Blackwatch uniform.

He smiles gently, picks him up like he’s breakable, and jogs off with him.

“Someone’s been missing you something awful, cabron.” He whispers gently, his voice soft even though he’s mowing down people like they’re dolls.

Hanzo is tired. He wants to go home (when did his dingy room become home?) he wants food, he wants–

McCree…

“Who did? Genji?” He thinks of his brother, and he swallows thickly as he remembers he’s on a mission.

Gabriel smiles at him, hands him over into someone’s arms, and turns into mist. 

He passes out.

-

McCree finds that he can’t step into Hanzo’s room.  A week has passed, and he’s made sure to avoid being there when Hanzo is awake. Anytime else, he stares at Hanzo as he sleeps, making sure he’s warm, taking out the small flowers Lucio has to the sun and making sure they get enough water.

His hands shake when he thinks of talking to him. He wants to rip out his hair, punch something, anything.

Hanzo wakes up in a fit. McCree can’t leave and so he’s caught wide eyed. He swallows to see Hanzo smile and sit up.

Wincing, he does so and cups his ribs. There were a couple of broken ones, but besides that and a broken nose, he’s okay.

But is he?

McCree wants to tell him about it. About the mound of dirt in the back of the Watchpoint where he he was covered in blood and tears and he buried something he couldn’t tell Hanzo.

At times, his hands go to his belly, wondering if he’d ever be able to carry anything again. His hormonal treatment messed him up a little. Not intended to carry a child when he’s mostly making testosterone now.

He swallows, and sees Hanzo grin at him.

“You came for me.”

McCree smiles back, tears in his eyes. He crosses the room, bending the bed as he slips under the sheets, and pressing his ear to Hanzo’s heart.

It beats weirdly, as his stamina makes it stronger. It’s a deep sound, echoing in the back of his mind, and it’s steady, and slow. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and sniffles.

“I love you, darlin’.”

Hanzo’s hands still from petting his unruly curls. He swallows.

“I thought–”

“I made you think that. I’m so sorry.” McCree shakes as he tells him. He’s telling him what happened, he’s explaining when he woke up to blood covering his sheets, and how in a split second he had to hide everything. Something about his mentality breaking.

Mercy had a word for it. Psychotic break.

Hanzo remembers those days. He remembers how clouded and confused McCree looked, walking around like a zombie, his eyes glazed. After that, he wasn’t the same.

“I’m so sorry.” McCree cries in his lap, and Hanzo stares at him, feeling the weight of being hated and hurt lift off him. But even though McCree apologized, it does not stop the words he said. It still hurts. It stings to remember the words.

This won’t mend it immediately.

“Jesse… you should have told me…” He whispers, cupping his face and looking into his eyes. He says this, but he knows that McCree literally couldn’t have. Physically, he couldn’t have.

McCree smiles a watery smile, kisses him and then whimpers.

“This ain’t gunna fix us, sug.”

“I know.”

“It’s gunna take time.”

“A lot of it.”

“It helps that everyone knows about us fucking, though.” McCree laughs to himself, and Hanzo smiles, looking down at McCree.

He stares at the wall, and winces as Hanzo hits a knot in his hair. There’s a silence, ringing in his ear and his being.

But he has McCree now. He has his coyote.

And maybe everything is really fucked up, but they’re adults. They know how to work with it.

Hanzo was just glad to have him here.

**Author's Note:**

> I love trans McCree and I love pain ok here you GO


End file.
